Part Five: My Kingdom for A Martini, JUST ONE!

So I came home on August 21st and thanks to my husband, have been doing pretty good. I am, of course, concerned that something could go wrong, so I take a sedative a few times a day, and that helps (for the most part). 

I have been "discharged" from the hospital doctor's care as well as the in-home nursing and PT staff.  I begin seeing a cardiologist and go to cardio rehab starting on the 21st of September.  I also have my family doctor (who luckily is located right next door to my development) if I have any medical questions or concerns.

My first week home I was tired.  Not exhausted, just tired.  But I fought against that and have yet to take a nap during the day.

Remember when I said I was a hypochondriac?  Well, I still am.  And now, having made it through this misadventure my hypochondria is at an all-time high.  A spike in my BP causes a panic attack, a stray pain or ache convinces me that I am about to drop dead, and for Christ's sake, looking up information on my condition on the internet makes me want to curl up in a ball and just hide.   So, I try to avoid those things by playing Fallout Shelter (the game), and watching a lot of movies.
In other news, I am losing weight. All of my meals are small and measured out (thanks to my husband) and snacking is usually fruit, nuts, or sugar-free pudding. My pants are hanging off of me. In fact, as of yesterday (9/8), I am down two pants sizes and wearing slacks and jeans that I packed away a few years ago! 

For the most part, I am feeling better every day (small increments). Learning to keep the bad thoughts at bay. Doing PT on my own, wearing a rose quartz crystal around my neck (because, any port in a storm), staying calm for the most part, Wondering if I ever really will be able to put this episode behind me. I've read about people who do, but also people who don't. One day at a time. 

And honestly, I am looking forward to having a cocktail, just one nice, icy, vodka, dirty martini. Just one to set the world right again. 

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